My Darkest Time
by carried-away5
Summary: After Edward leaves Bella in New Moon, she eventually finds comfort in an unexpected familiar stranger
1. chapter 1

Charlie was on edge. It had been 4 long months and I think he's finally given up on me. I don't blame him. What about me screams hope left? He had obviously been building up the courage to say what he wanted to say and he got home one evening, hanging up his gun belt, he took a deep breath. He turned around around to face me as I was sitting on the couch. As much as I preferred being in the lonely confines on my bedroom, I had to make movement some how instead of just going to the bathroom. The couch was the next best thing and as I sat there staring at the turned-off tv, Charlie walked over to sit next to me. I could feel his reluctance at whatever he was going to say and could almost taste the words before they rolled off his tongue.

"Alright that's it, Bells." He said finally as if getting to the point right then and there. I moved my eyes to a different corner of the living room waiting for him to reason his point.

"I'm sending you back to your mother."

Now that snapped me out of my trance. My eyes shot up to his face but he was looking away from me, almost as if it hurt him to say this. I opened my throat to argue and when I did, it came out as a croak. I never really said anything anymore, that or it was probably the fact that before I had

decided to come to the living room, I had just gotten done sobbing into my pillow.

"W-what?" Maybe I didn't hear him correctly. Maybe I did hear him correctly but I needed to hear it again. I never payed attention to conversations around me. I tries my best to drown out what I could or else the threat of an impending throbbing headache might occur.

I urged Charlie with my thoughts to face me and when he finally did, he said it again as if trying to convince himself.

"I'm sending you back to your mother"

There was a awkward silence that followed as I tried to word together what I needed to say. I couldn't leave. It wasn't that I didn't want to be with my mother. I couldn't leave because I couldn't bring myself to believe that if I really left, it would be just as Edward had told me: a clean break.

Edward.

I dreamt last night of echoes of his name trapped in my mind. Forks was the only proof I had that my happiness had once been here. And to think, my heartbreak was also here with it. It masked all the happy times that I had once been so in love with. If I left Forks, I would be leaving behind half of myself.

Although I found that hard to believe at first, when I thought Edward had taken half of my self with him. A part of me. But one half couldn't go on without the other could it?

Me leaving would be asking to forget such an important part of my life. This is where it all started. This is where it suddenly ended. I couldn't bring myself to want to make a getaway. Maybe Edward could; but I couldn't.

"Dad that's not necessary" I said finally.

I gathered my thoughts in straight and was prepared for my reasons, not that I wanted let Charlie in on them, they were more for my benefit.

"Bells...he's not coming back."

I gasped out loud, stiffening up, trying to keep the tears at bay.

I knew this. I had accepted it. It's not like I could put myself into denial, I wasn't crazy. But to hear it from someone, my dad nonetheless, left me at a loss to say.

I quickly resolved for a cover-up blank face. It was my reliable act when I needed it. Of course sometimes it just came to me without me having to actually attempt at it. It came in handy now. If Charlie knew I couldn't even handle talking about moving away, it would only work to prove his point.

"I know that, dad. It's just, you don't have to send me away. I'll be fine... besides I've already made plans with Jessica to go shopping."

There. That would buy me some time. Not sure how much exactly, I not only needed to figure out where I stand emotionally, and put myself together in some way enough to convince Charlie that I would be fine, but now I had to set up a day with Jessica. Great.

After the Cullen's left, Jessica and her small clique shied away from me. Or was it the other way around? I did tend to put distance between myself and the student population at best I could. I especially didn't want to have to hear what all Jessica had to say about me to me. Maybe Charlie didn't have to see me ride with Jessica. Maybe I could just drive out town for a few hours. But what if he found out? I didn't want Charlie to lose trust in me, especially now.

"Oh well...shopping?" Charlie asked with disbelief.

"Yea, me and Jessica and probably Angela too."

There. I could easily say that Jessica couldn't make it and ask Angela to cover for me and talk about how much of a good time we had in Port Angeles. Okay maybe I couldn't ask that of her, but she would cover for me. She was a true friend when I needed her. And it's not like I was getting myself into anything by going along and doing something. This way, I wouldn't have to deal with Jessica's very vocal opinions and as much as I loved Angela, I loved alone time more. When did I become sneaky?

"Oh...when exactly?" Charlie was probably just wondering was all.

Hmm, what day was I not catching up on school work and sleep? But the average answer would be for me to say,

"We talked about going Friday night." I said shortly, biting my upper lip and hoping he wouldn't see through me. I was never a good liar.

"Well alright. I'm leaving on a fishing trip with Billy when I get off work Friday afternoon. So I won't be home Friday night. Just make sure you don't stay out too late. Say, you still got your pepper spray?" Charlie and his fishing trips... Charlie and his pepper spray recommendations. Of course this only made me think of the last time he had asked if I had it on me. Edward had wanted to introduce himself to Charlie before we headed out to watch his family's baseball game. I had to quickly stop thinking that before my emotions got the best of me. They always did.

"Uh, yeah Dad. Never got rid of it." I said matter of factly. Because I didn't.

After I had attempted at blinding James with it and tried making a run for it, I remember tightly holding onto it the whole time. That is until James bit me and I was in too much pain to care about anything else except the seething, burning bite on my wrist. I briefly brushed my fingers over the scar on my wrist. Yet another reminder of my loss and that it was real. Edward may have called it a "clean break" but even Carlisle said the scar would last forever, or until I die in my case.

But when I was in the hospital and asked for my phone, Edward had handed me my bag and there was the pepper spray. I never knew who stashed it in there at the last minute. Edward was carrying me and Carlisle was hot on Edward's heels. Emmet and Alice were still feeding the fire with floorboards and Jasper... after he had ripped James to pieces, I think he kept a distance from my bleeding wrist and himself. Maybe he got it at last minute.

"Well good, make sure you have it with you just in case. It's a dangerous world out there, Bells."

If only he knew the depths of that sentence. Not that I ever thought the Cullen's were a threat to me. Ever.

Edward would disagree saying that his kind were a danger to my life. The words he had told me in the woods that day started echoing back in my head just as they always did. _You don't belong in my world Bella, you don't belong in my world Bella, you don't belong in my world Bella_. His usual calming velvet voice had this time, cut into me like a thousand knives. Like a thousand bites. Edward leaving me was worse than any bite. So if Edward had said that his kind were a danger to my life, it was just him. The loss of him, really. _I don't want you Bella_. As easy as taking a breath.

"Yeah I know Dad." I needed to reassure Charlie that I would be fine heading to Port Angeles "with my friends". I just needed to get out of town was what I needed. Maybe I could go to the reservation... I mentally scratched that idea out. Charlie and Billy were going to the reservation and I couldn't make an appearance there. Port Angeles was a ways away and I didn't feel like making the drive. Maybe I could, no. But I wanted to. But I couldn't find it even if I tried. But I wanted to try. I felt peaceful there. Even if did remind me of him. I knew I needed to try and find it.

I went to sleep that night dreaming of the calm and peaceful landscape that I longed to find. To feel a breeze run through the tall grass around me as I laid there on a patch of grass as the meadow wind blew on my face and put me to sleep.

It was the best sleep I had had in months.

Okay so this was my first attempt at writing a fanfic. I typed this out in about 2 hours and I have so much more planned for my story. If you read this, it means so much and I would love your reviews!


	2. Chapter 2

School the next day was dragging on. I went to sit with Angela and Ben and Mike and Jessica at their lunch table. Angela smiled up at me as I made my way over. The others had a surprised look on their face; I always sat by myself to avoid commuting with people. I had tried to make myself more present in my friends' presence. Not that I ignored Angela all the time. Me and her were close and she understood my bad days. She kept her distance but stayed close at the same time. She knew me well enough not to question me on those days. I mostly had bad days. School was just something I woke up everyday to do. It was nothing more. I never looked forward to anything anymore. So gradually welcoming Angela and my few other friends back into my life had proved a difficult task, for I was used to being my loner self. It also proved to be easy since I never had an outgoing personality that anyone would really miss or question if I started acting odd.

Friday was a few days away and I wanted to get back with Angela and start being around her more to work up to asking her if she could cover up for me come Friday night. As nice a friend as she was, I didn't want to just show back up into her life suddenly asking for a favor. Maybe I could do something in return. I didn't do anything out of the ordinary to make it obvious that I was working up the nerve to ask her if anything. We walked to class together and she wanted to know how I was doing. I told her I was fine and then quickly wanted to know what her plans were after school to cover up my pathetic poker face.

"Well I'm watching the twins when I get home and then probably catching up on homework. Would you like to come over?" I could see her eyes brighten a little at the chance to get to spend time with me. And for a second, I felt guilt run through me, at the thought of my ignorance at neglecting my friend. We hadn't spent time together in a long while.

"Ange that actually sounds great. What time is good for you?" We could work on homework and maybe I would be able to catch up a little.

"I'm going straight home after school. Just come over shortly after, okay?" Perfect. I wouldn't have to be alone at home for a long time like I usually spent my afternoons.

"Alright, see you after school then, bye Ange"

"Bye Bella!" She had started walking away and looked over her shoulder to say that. I stood outside my last period classroom. I sat through the next hour in U.S. History listening to Mr. Arthur go on about the Constitution. I actually tried paying attention but my thoughts wandered to where I would be soon after this time tomorrow. I imagined the hike would be long. Just like it was the first time I had done it. Before Edward had told me well, showed me that he ran fast. With me on his back, he ran all the way back from the meadow.

School ended finally, and I walked faster through the hallways to get to my truck. Walking outside, I felt a cool breeze, but a bright sun warmed my face. It was an unusually sunny day in Forks.

I got in my truck and drove home. I needed to do a few chores before I headed over to Angela's.

Quickly, I stripped my bed of its sheets and pillowcases and did the same for Charlie's bed. I threw them in the washing machine and then quickly went back up stairs, careful not to trip over a step, I went into the bathroom to assess the way I look. I was pale as ever, my lips had peeled marks on them from biting at them too much. I swiftly ran the hairbrush through my hair and cupped cold water up to my face to clean it. Drying my face, I looked back up in the mirror at myself, I tried at putting a smile on my face. A small smile was forced upon me and it felt weird at first, but afterwards I relaxed my face and the smile gently went away.

It's Angela's house I'm going over to. She doesn't care what I look like. Maybe I was just working up tiny amounts of excitement of wanting to find the meadow. Just little steps here and there were leading up to it.

I left the bathroom and went downstairs. I took my rain jacket off the coat hook and pulled it on. My backpack was still in the truck, so locking the door back behind me, I walked towards my truck, and stepped up into it.

The drive to Angela's was quiet except for my thoughts going back to the meadow. I wanted to be there right now instead of driving to my friend's house. Selfish as I was, I felt calm at the meadow. I wanted to feel calm now.

Finally I pulled up in front of a faded white house with a red roof. Angela's car was already there. I parked on the curb, grabbed my backpack, and stepped out of my truck.

Walking up the steps to her house, I rang the doorbell, and not 3 seconds later did one of Angela's little brothers open the door. A smile found it's way up on my face without me expecting it.

I hadn't seen her brothers in forever and when one of them yelled in delight,

"Bella!" I found my self hugging him, until the other brother ran up as well and I was hugging both twins and laughing until I heard Angela's voice coming around the corner.

"Hey, Bella!" Angela came near the doorway where I was still crouched hugging both boys.

I stood up then and greeted Angela.

Together we worked on our assignments together.

When Angela finally wanted to break the concentration of our Chemistry paper assignment to ask how I was doing, I was at a loss of words. I hadn't prepared for this question. So I told her I was fine while still looking down at my paper. When I did look up at her, she was looking at me with worried eyes and then I reassured her again.

"Really Angela, I'm fine. You don't have to worry about me." Really she didn't need to worry about me. I didn't need her to worry about me. It would just be something I would have to deal with. I knew of a few people who have been worried about me. Angela would just be adding to the list. And I didn't want anyone's pity. It was my fault after all, that I was where I am now. Not that I could exactly let people in on the details.

Maybe that was my problem. I couldn't talk to anyone about this. It's not like I loved talking to people about my problems anyway. Telling people my problems these days would just land me in a mental institution. Besides, I wouldn't even think of telling the Cullen's secret. No matter how Edward made me feel, it wasn't my secret to tell. Just mine to keep. Another thing Edward left behind, his secret. The secret of their entire world. The world that humans didn't even believe existed. Edward's entire existence was because of the world he lives in.

I kept everything in. It was the most important thing to me. I knew the Cullen's were risking everything when they told me, but they told me anyway. And I accepted who they were, and what they were, and they accepted me for who I wanted to be with. I was their risk. The forbidden love was a risk. Edward had said me being in their world was a risk. And he had proved his point and now when I think about what had happened on my eighteenth birthday, I nearly break down. Really it depends on where I am. If I'm near other people, I hold everything in and together as best as I can until I can be alone in my room and let my feelings overcome me in to the late hours of the night until I'm too exhausted to cry anymore. It had been my fault. Or else, they would have never left. They had to leave because of me. A human. A stupid little human.

"Bella, if you ever want to talk about it, I'm here for you." She said with serious eyes and as she touched my hand to reassure, I almost felt like telling everything but then I was reminded of what my situation was.

Her brief reassurance was enough to risk everything all at once so I pulled my hand away slowly as not to be rude. Her brief reassurance almost made me believe everything was okay and that I would be okay. But it wasn't okay and I would never be the same. I wish Edward had gotten to know that at least. He said what he wanted to say and he left me there in the woods. And I find myself dreaming of being able to run as fast as he can, after him but still never being able to find him. He would be on the other side of the world in the blink of an eye. And he didn't want me. He would be gone and he didn't want me.

"Thanks Angela..that means a lot. It means a lot to me that you're my friend. So thanks." I didn't know how to word what I was trying to say. But I think she understood when she said shortly after,

"Bella, I'll always be here for you, I'm your friend after all, and hopefully you're mine as well."

Angela smiled as she said this. It really did mean a lot that she was my friend. I was running low on those anyway. It was just her and Jake.

Mike wanted to be more than friends it seems, as he never gave up on asking if I wanted to go out with him sometime. It had only been 3 days after Edward left when Mike started up his chances again. When Edward was here, he crushed all of Mike's chances. To which I was thankful for, I didn't necessarily want to hurt Mike's feelings, it was also something I didn't like to deal with. Like an annoying bug that keeps buzzing and pestering you and just wont go away.

Jessica and Lauren well, they stopped being around me when Edward left. I for one was glad they had left me alone. They had taken a liking to the spotlight of being my friend who was dating "the Edward Cullen"...

"Yeah I'm totally your friend, Angela. It means so much that you welcomed me back into your life after I had separated myself from everyone."

I hope I said that right.

"Oh Bella, don't worry about that. And besides, you had your reasons. I probably would've done the same thing...don't worry about hurting people's feelings by not being around them. They'll likely understand. And if you need the space, then I certainly understand." Angela was nice and all. She talked an awful lot about understanding though.

I knew no one would understand at all how I feel if they weren't given the circumstances that I was in. Edward wasn't a normal human person. Edward wasn't human. Edward was a vampire but somehow he was my everything. He was perfect to me. He showed me a side of him that not just anyone could've made me feel the way he did. He was special in every way that he was different.

"Thanks Angela. Also thanks for the homework help. I needed it, catching up and everything." I looked from her to the small stack of papers that I had completed. Feeling satisfied at all that I had done and now I was caught up, I put the papers back in my book bag.

"It's no problem, Bella. See you at school tomorrow?" What day was tomorrow? Thursday? Or Friday? I couldn't believe that I had forgotten what day I was on, seeing that I had put so much effort into my excitement at wanting to find the meadow. Lots of effort it seemed. Effort was tiring to me right now. I was going to school regardless.

"Yeah, see you in Chemistry." Slinging my bag over my shoulder, and making my way to the doorway where I heard little sets of footsteps running towards me. I turned around and the twins both hugged a leg of mine.

"Bye Bella!" They said together. Now, I had to smile. They were too adorable. I could see why Angela had an adoration for her little brothers.

"Bye guys!" I said with a small smile.

"When will you be back Bella?" Asked one of them, lifting his eyebrows from where he was standing.

"Probably sometime soon if you want" the little boys both had hope in their eyes. I wonder what they loved so much about me. We had only met a few times. Counting today. Oh well, it was nice to feel loved like this. I felt a small ounce of love surge through me. Wondering where it came from so suddenly but realizing it was because of the little boys hugging my legs.

"I gotta go guys, see you soon?" They reluctantly let go of me.

"Yeah Bella!" One of them said and the other said "Bye!"

I looked over my shoulder at Angela who was chuckling while standing behind the boys with her hands on one of their shoulders. She looked up at me and smiled, "Bye!"

I then smiled once more, "Bye." And walked through the grass to the curb where my truck was parked.

Starting it up, I looked over to the boys still smiling in the doorway and Angela finally ushered them through the door to go back inside and waving at me one last time. I waved back and then I drove away.

10 minutes later, I was pulling into the driveway. Charlie's cruiser was already there. Turning the key in the ignition to off, I pulled it out and looked over at my bag, deciding to leave it in here now that I didn't have homework to worry about.

Opening the door, I was greeted with a triumphant yell coming from the living room. Must have been some score.

Walking into the living room to look at what was going on in there, I saw Charlie hunched over, staring at the tv with his elbows on his knees in anticipation.

"Hey dad." I said from behind the couch, waving my hand in the air as a small greeting and then dropping it back to my side.

Charlie turned around then with a surprised look on his face.

"Oh hey Bells, say where you been? I was starting to worry" I almost laughed out loud. Not that I cared about his lack of care, he knew enough to trust me. But he was sitting on the couch watching the latest game and it looked like he was having a good evening. I was happy for him. I wondered if this is what he came home and looked forward to everyday before I started living here. Boring as it sounds, he enjoyed it. As much as he enjoyed his fishing trips. He at least had Billy. I was glad for that too. How lonely would it be living in this house for all these years, going through the same routine over and over without someone to talk to. Even if Billy was just an every now and then fishing buddy.

"I was just over at Angela's working on some homework. Did you want me to make you something for dinner?" I asked, raising my eyebrows and them then falling onto a bowl of popcorn and a can on the coffee table. By Charlie was probably more surprised that I had been visiting with friends more than ever.

"Oh no, I'm fine. So did you have a good time?"

I wonder if Charlie wanted me to stay in Forks as much as I did. Then I remember him unwilling to look me on the eye yesterday when he talked about sending me home.

He really did want me to stay. After all, I had missed out on about 10 years with the exception of seeing him every other summer. And it was nice to spend time with him.

I shrugged my shoulders slightly, "We just did homework is all..."

So I was getting something out of spending time with Angela. Charlie's surprised approval at me trying not be such a recluse, maybe that's what it seemed like to him, and I was spending time with Angela because I missed being with her and I was working up asking her for a favor. I couldn't honestly say that I only went to hangout with Angela just to suck up to her. But I honestly did miss being around her.

I left Charlie to his game and to relish in his hope for my well being, and took the sheets out of the washing machine. They wouldn't be dry by tonight's sleep so I switched up both Charlie's and mine completely.

I settled for my shower tonight so that all I would have to do tomorrow morning is dress and do my regular morning routine and be out the door. But being early? What would I do with all the extra time just sitting in my truck in the school parking lot...maybe I could read _Wuthering Heights_ again. It'd been months since I read it. It was my favorite book after all.

Looking around my desk in my room, I couldn't find it. Odd, I usually read at my desk. Maybe it's under my bed? Getting down on my hands and knees, I ducked my head under the bed to look for it, to no luck. But getting up, I nearly tripped and fell on my face. A loose floorboard. Getting back down on the floor to speculate the subject of my clumsiness, I noticed something white under the floorboard. Curiosity sparked in me and using my strength in my weak arms, I lifted the board up some more to see what was under there.

A box.

So there's chapter 2! Hope you enjoyed it. I typed this one up pretty fast as well. I'm starting to really get into this story. Thanks so much if you reviewed on that last chapter. Even if there were only a couple, it motivated me to finish this chapter up a little faster.

Just a little bit about me,

Currently I'm on summer break, and I'm a junior in high school. I took this chance to get out a lot of thoughts into my writing because I'm an English nerd, and ever since I got into The Twilight Saga, at the beginning of this year (I know right...I got a late start in appreciating fully what the Twilight Saga is. I never got into it as a child.)

For anyone of you who came here looking for a claimed Jasper/Bella fanfic, don't worry...it's in the making. I don't plan on abandoning this story any time soon. I plan on introducing Jasper in this story probably in the next couple of chapters. It's going to be in the best way possible too. Prepare for some intense emotions ahead.

Also, this may be common sense, but as intense as this story may get at times, if it's too much for you to handle, I don't recommend continuing to read if it's affecting you in any way that's negative...just putting that out there.

Andddddd...I know I probably should've put this on here sooner but Stephanie Meyer owns the characters and the whole amazing world of Twilight. I'm just over here imagining a different scenario with a whole different plot into words. Words that I hope you really do enjoy reading. I've put a lot of thought into this story and I've read similar situations of Jasper/Bella fanfics. I totally recommend reading the few that are out there. They truly great stories.

Well that's all for now and what a mouthful it was to write.

Chapter 3 will be up sometime soon. I'm really fresh into making these and chapters make come up sooner than you think. I don't wanna be rude and say "don't get used to it" but f chalets start to become slower about uploading, don't get too stressed. If anything comes to mind about unsettling thoughts of this story and wanting to take a break from it, I would definitely give you a heads up. Wouldn't wanna leave you in the dark like that. Especially if it were on a cliffhanger. That's just be evil.

Welp, that's all for now.

I love reviews, just like FYI...

Carrie


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